Greg Gutfeld: The pandemic has laid bare an education system in crisis

This is one of the great moments of education. Apparently, a mother in Texas has been accused of putting her son, who tested positive for COVID, in the trunk of her car to keep him from being exposed to his virus.

It’s pretty awesome – throwing your child in the trunk of your car like a jumper cable game.

You know, I think we’ve finally found a woman who can be Julie Banderas for mother of the year.

Now she faces child endangerment charges. The woman in Texas, not Julie, but don’t give up yet. Don’t give up yet, Banderas, it could still happen to you.

But it was arriving at the COVID testing site with her 13-year-old boy in the back of her car that raised some concerns.

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According to the arrest warrant, she brought her son to the drive-thru and told the Director of Health Services that her brat was in the trunk so she wouldn’t be exposed while driving.

When the police were alerted the kid was in the trunk, he was released unharmed. No word if the child’s name is Jack. Kat doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

Now you might be thinking, you know, hope this lady isn’t surrounded by other kids, which is what you usually think of when you talk about CNN producers.

But here you would be wrong. She is a high school English teacher but has now been placed on administrative leave, which means she is being paid to watch the Hallmark channel.

And even worse, this trend of isolation in strange places seems to be spreading.

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So this is where a superficial talk show host might exploit this sad story as an example of how our education system has broken down.

Well, I’ll tell you what, I’m this superficial talk show host.

The fact is, we live in a time where teachers’ unions happily sacrifice education, health and safety for children to protect themselves.

They claim it’s too dangerous to go back to school, and that would be true if we were talking about violence, but they’re not. They’re using COVID as an excuse to chill at home, watch The View, drink the day away until Joy starts looking human.

Meanwhile, for the fourth day in a row, Chicago Public Schools have canceled classes as unions refuse to agree on when to bring teachers back into the classroom, even though everyone from nurses to cashiers to truck drivers and exotic dancers, has been back to work for months.

Some of us do all four tasks in the same day.

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But maybe teachers staying home is a good thing, right?

If there’s anything we’ve taken away from distance learning, it’s that a student’s chances of learning are low. And why is that?

Well, our education system is the only system exempt from the one tool that makes us all better: competition.

Well, our education system and our late night talk show hosts. Thanks to me, there really is no competition either. I would congratulate myself, but my arms are too short.

Without competition, schools and their unions are free to do what they want. Students be damned. And if your family doesn’t like it, you can’t take your stuff anywhere else.

Imagine if this kind of mentality existed in other areas, not just in public schools.

Well, in fact, it is. See Department of Motor Vehicles or Cuba. Neither is known for its short lines and highly motivated workforce.

The thing is, when you have only one choice to choose from that choice, it benefits the entity offering it.

It’s like being Fox News’ most handsome man. It’s not that you’re beautiful, but you’re beautiful by default.

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Or maybe you live in a small town with only one cable company. Good luck if it goes out during a storm. The cable company won’t be in a rush to fix it because, well, who are you going to go to if you’re not satisfied?

But if there are two cable companies, it’s amazing how much faster things get done.

Now instead of waiting for the cable company from 9am to 10pm, they brought it down from 9am to 8pm. And that’s the public school system for you.

They can abandon your children because what are you going to teach them yourself? With that hour, we have three between your day job as a cashier at Walmart or your night job stripping for a Nude Prudes?

Politicians don’t care. They work to defeat school choice while taking advantage of that choice for their whiny offspring.

Yeah, their precious Buffy has decent instructors and real books to read instead of metal detectors, mask warrants, and barely literate teachers who can’t be fired.

But for our leaders, poor education equals high crime. If it’s not their problem, then it’s not a problem at all.

Well, it’s time to change that. There is a famous Democrat who said: Never let a crisis go to waste. I believe it was Britney Spears, and even she knows more about education. She is 40 years old and still fits in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit. It’s something we both have in common.

But the pandemic has laid bare an education system in crisis. So now is the perfect time for a new movement, a parental tea party that stops paying into systems that intellectually poison your children, while teachers stay home, poisoning themselves with Doritos.

It’s time to fund students, not schools, and then schools will fight for student money. But deprive these school boards of your taxes and watch them wither and fall like a frozen wart from Bette Midler’s neck.

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Competition will make all schools and all teachers better. They might not want it like your child wanted spinach, but that was not up to them. So, let’s shove them down their throats and watch the benefits roll in.

The competition ensures that it is not up to them. It’s up to you, the parent. And that’s the only solution we really have left. Besides locking the kids in the trunk of a car with their laptops and a lunch bag, this is my kind of homeschooling.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening monologue in the January 10, 2022 edition of “Gutfeld!”